I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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