Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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