hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Enjoy the penises
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
