I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
