Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
