grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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