You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
