beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
