Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
