Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
