im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
