there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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