why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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