New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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