marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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