I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
