I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
