I need help removing her.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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