Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
