How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
