Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
