Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
