I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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