I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
