hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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