i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
