that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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