Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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