I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
