Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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