This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my vagina is haunted
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
