using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
