Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
