you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
