with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
