i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
