They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
