Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
