I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
