FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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