Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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