Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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