yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she looked like the before picture.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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