dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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