her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
