I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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