I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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