maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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