I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
