I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
