Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
