dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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