I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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